Want Ads
Tonight I had some time to go through some mail and I took a few moments to read through the want ads of a national Catholic newspaper. I have to admit the wonder lust has been making my feet itch. Out of college I was able to pursue some pretty exciting opportunities in some great places. It doesn’t help that one of the young men in our parish is considering attending one of my old Alma maters in Boston. Boy was that a wonderful experience that was! Anyway, as my eyes scanned the page, what did I find but my undergraduate university is searching for the head of campus ministry. I could so do that job. I mean not only would my resume present itself as perfect but I am an alum. And its in a city that I would love to live in! And it would be back in the pacific northwest which would be returning home for me. Oh, for the freedom to be able to just take off and pursue a new and exciting opportunity, especially this opportunity. And what a wonderful time to be in a position to be where I could re-create myself.
I hate to admit this but I am no go at this long term stuff (and I think my marriage confirmed that). I do great on introductions and initial meetings but I am finally figuring out that the longer I am in a relationship the crappier I do. I tried to explain this to someone once as we drank coffee at McDonald’s but they wouldn’t listen. But then we were still in that initial stage of friendship… what did they know of the truth. I think I did best when I was moving every 3 to 5 years. Or maybe I ran away at just the right time.
If you are reading this blog looking for pearls of wisdom then I would look else where. I enjoy the writing
but I am just as lost as everybody else in knowing how to make life work. If anything I write to let others know they are not alone in this struggle. And right now I so want to apply for that job and once again run away, start over, see and experience nothing but hope, new opportunities and untried experiences. But I can’t, at least not yet. Although my daughter is almost in college she is not there yet. And I don’t want her to repeat my life experience by not having a firm base as a foundation upon which she can stand tall and eventually soar. That day is coming. The day when there will be someone else in her life whom she is meant to seek as her foundation. And until that day I must patiently wait. She is my number one responsibility in life and God isn’t done with me yet.
But in the mean time I need to find another way to … what? Recreate myself? I doubt I will be able to do that since many people love to remind me that I am the sum total of my failures. Run away? It some ways I could do that but I am hearing a very clear message lately that God wants me to stay put — don’t know how long… a few weeks, months, or years…. but I am where I believe God wants me to be. Something needs to change, I just don’t know what yet. Stay tuned. Maybe I’ll eventually figure it out. I remain, your servant in Christ,
Theresa
Tags: direction, Hope, moving, new job, new life, recreate oneself
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