Timelytidbits’s Weblog

I know that a friend is going to think that I stole this idea from him but in truth I have been struggling with this idea for a long time.  Where do adults go when they want to be safe?  As children when we get scared of the things that “go bump in the night”; or, overwhelmed by the expectations of all the grown-ups around us we would have a “breakdown” or cry out in the night and, for most of us, within moments our parents arms would be around us soothing us.  My daughter is sixteen and just the other night she woke me up because she was crying.  No, she was in hysterics.  With the divorce, change to a new place, a key friend moving away, stress of school…. she had a melt down.  She came to me and I held her and we cried together until she was cried out.  Then she went back to bed and I continued to softly cry… because who will do that for me?  I am a grown up… I’m not suppose to need anybody to care that I am still scared; but now its things that go bump in the day like bills and no money to pay them.  Or overwhelmed by expectations like with bosses who treat you like shit even after you have given everything you got.  Yes, there are days and moments in a day I just need one other human being who will say nothing but just hold me and help me feel safe again. 

I know I am suppose to look to God to fulfill this need and trust me I do.  But I need to “feel” safe.  It is not enough for my brain to convince the rest of me.  I can intellectually tell myself that everything is going to be OK and I truly know it will… but I still need that lap to crawl into.  I need those arms to hold me and soft words of love whispered into my ears saying its going to be OK.  And surely there are people out there who would be willing to do that (if not for me but at least for others) But in this day and age of touch meaning so many things people don’t.  Or they do but in all the inappropriate ways.  They jump into sex convincing themselves this act means more then it does.

Where do adults go who want to “feel” safe without abusing alcohol or food or drugs or the endless number of other substances that we use to numb ourselves from feeling anything.  I would love an answer to this question.  When one is an adult and alone where, does one go?  Maybe if I had an answer to this question I could get through a day without crying.  And that would be very nice.  I remain, your servant in christ,

Theresa