Being Consumed by Love

All day to day I have been thinking about the demands love makes.  It began this morning as a friend and I discussed whether marriage and personal freedom were possible.  Actually we were discussing why I still think being married is a good idea.  (Funny, considering the horror I have just been through.)  He believes in marriage but also believes its not what he is called to.  That is all well and good because I have always believed that God calls us all to different states of life.  Just as some are called to priesthood, religious life and marriage; I agree with him that some are called to remain single.  But he made a statement that I thought about all day.  Something to the fact that the need of another would consume him and he would die. 

Now, I know if I got the idea wrong he will add a comment at the end of this blog to correct it.  But I think I understood what he was trying to say:  That unfortunately we give ourselves over to the control of our need for someone or something else and if that reality, be it a person or thing, does not have complete and utter respect for us they take advantage of our state and we disappear.  Did I get that right?

Later I was talking with another friend who is struggling with the realization that the man she has been dating for almost two years isn’t “the one”.  Well, in truth he could be if he would grow up.  But his dependance on her means she can’t breath with all the responsibilty for the relationship he has abdicated to her.  So, we discussed what makes a relationship work… what are the “essential” ingredients.  I should also mention that in a day I will be facilitating an all day workshop (the first of two saturdays) for engaged couples who seek to get married in the Catholic Church — so I am in this mindset of what am I going to say to them.

As Christians our foremost role model in life is Jesus himself.  And to this day what does he do to express his love and commitment to us?  We consume him.  In word through scripture and in deed through the eucharist.  We take him into ourselves so that he no longer exists seperated from us.  I know this is a completely scary thought.  That we are called to be so in love with God that we are consumed by God so that anyone looking at us doesn’t know we are anything but of God.  Look at Mother Teresa.  Look at Pope John Paul II.  Look at any of the great saints.  Their love for God consumed their every breath and step.

You see, I think that is what we are meant to do in a married love as well.  To consume and be consumed by the other.  To hold nothing back and to not be afraid to see and experience every part of the other.  I heard people complain of people who have been married so long that you “don’t know where one ends and the other begins” — but I think that is what marriage is suppose to be.  Not to loose ourselves but to give freely of ourselves holding nothing back.  And marriage is not about seeking out in the other to fill the holes in our lives.  That was my mistake.  If you think of it as a meal that we sit down to eat…. it is complete in and off itself but we consume it.  Love is suppose to be that way.  I freely give of myself and I am open to receiving in truth and respect the other. 

But this is not just true of marriage.  This is what we are suppose to be doing every day.  Yes, I know we need to take care of ourselves and yes I know that giving it all away is a problem as well especially if we do it without expecting our gift of self to be treated with love and respect.  But the more we do it here on this earthly existance the more we will understand “being united” with God.  At least that is my opinion.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

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Tags: dating, God, Jesus, Love, Marriage, vocations

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