A Pathetic Blog
Don’t trust me. Seems like a strange statement for one to make but the more I think about this the more I feel the need to warn the world to stay away. Don’t get me wrong this is not a plea for attention nor is it a self pity moment. I have had a moment of clarity and I want to declare it — don’t trust me.
Maybe its something missing in my genetic make-up or maybe its the failure of my parents; or better yet my own failure but I don’t seem to know how to make relationships work. Point in fact my failed marriage. Point in fact that at the age of 52 I am surrounded by very few people who care what happens to me. Oh there is the idol curiousity that many would have if I suddenly disappeared from the face of the earth but the gut renching, “what am I going to do now?” expression that comes from the lips of those who really care… doubt I would have more then two or three.
Is this how we are meant to live? In basic isolation from each other? I don’t think so, but I don’t seem to know how to make it all work so that I not only do you get what you want out of the relationship but so do I. Where was I the day that the lesson on relationships 101 was taught?
This is why it is important not to trust me… cuz I will either become what you want without thought or regard to my own person and later implode because I can’t maintain the lies… or I will ignore you out of fear that you won’t accept and like what you find. Pretty pathic.
Its sad really. Because just like everyone else all I really want is to love and be loved… not for what I do but because of who I am. Is that asking too much? And don’t tell me to start by loving myself. I already get that and I am working on that but in the meantime I am lost and alone and believing that very few people care. And don’t tell me that we only need a few people in our lives. I don’t know I find myself alone most of the time now because everyone else is busy with their lives that don’t include me. So, being surrounded by alot of true friends sounds like a good thing to me. But don’t trust me… because I don’t know how to make it a reality in my own life.
Tags: lies, loniness, loss, relationships, trust, truth
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