Timelytidbits’s Weblog

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Do not let your hearts be troubled.
You have faith in God; have faith also in me.    John 14:1

Taken from today’s reading of the gospel, this passage really bugs me!  I understand what Jesus is saying.  He wants us to recognize who should have the true authority and power in our lives.  Jesus says something similar in Matthew chapter 6:  Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. (verses 26-29)  I get it!  I don’t like it but I get it!  We worry, obsess, concern ourselves about what we think is important when in truth its all trival matters in the plan of God.  What bugs me about these ideas why does it seem that some people live these enchanted lives and me…, at best you would say I am surviving mine.

I am angry right now.  Although I know that I am responding in the best way I can to God’s word and way; and I am making healthy choices for myself and for my daughter.  So why is there nothing but apperatnt failure surrounding me?  Next week I will be in divorce court.  Next month we will be filing bankrupcy for our store.  And my place of ministry is questioning my ethical treatment of my time.  My heart is exceptionally troubled.  I feel unwanted, unloveable and unappreciated.  But there in lies the rub — I “feel” but what is that reality?

I have served in ministry for over 30 years, 8 in this present parish.  There is one person who is questioning my ethics.  One person! And there are hundreds who tell me daily that they think I am the next best thing to sliced bread.  Our store, after 18 months, is not going to survive — but I truly believe we did everything we could to make it happen.  Had not the Michigan economy gone sour and some unexpected problems arise among other things we would still be plugging away.  And I know that in these past 18 months we have served the Catholic/Chrisitan community well.  If nothing else these past 18 months have been a life preserver for me in a stormy sea.  As for unwanted and unloveable that is for no one else to determine but me.  I decide who I am and how I am in this world — nobody else.  Just because my soon-to-be-ex-husband is too caught up in his own fears and agenda to see the wonder I am… not my problem.

There is an idea that gets expressed in a number of ways but a friend of mine constantly is challenging me to see the cup as half full rather than half empty.  We make the choices as to what meaning we bring to anygiven moment.  If God is the God of all creation there is nothing in our lives that God is not master of.  So, if I can say these experiences of (divorce, loss of our business and challenges at work) are the work of the devil could I not also say they are opportunities for God to be God?  My heart is troubled not because my life is filled with trouble but because I define the experiences I am having as troubling and difficult and filled with death.  When I let go and let God be God I know that there will be an end; that there is meaning to these moments and that this is only one small chapter in my life experiences.  And the best is yet to come.

 So, if you are looking at this day, or this moment and feeling the stress that living in the world brings.  Stop yourself.  Count your blessings.  Think about what good could come from this moment and realize that is the path God wants you to walk.  Not the one of dispair.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa