Timelytidbits’s Weblog

Undoubtly one of the most hated personalities in the Bible is Judas.  He stands for everything that is evil and bad.  I recently had a nightmare of an experience, and in the midst of it a friend (who just happens to be a Catholic priest) tried to comfort and challenge me by saying:  “Its Lent.  Try meditating on how Jesus must have felt when Judas betrayed him.” 

As you might guess from the comment I had a different ”friend” stab me in the back; not once, not twice but three times.  And the last had the intent, (I believe), of her seeking my public humiliation and the loss of my job.  I have been betrayed before and I have had people seek to undermine what I was doing in my ministry; but never by a friend and never after I spent so much time and energy mentoring, and helping them through personal pain.  Yes, I think I do have a deeper insight into what Jesus must have felt and betrayal is only the icing on the cake.

We don’t know much about Judas from scripture but I think that had more to do with the anger and hatred of the gospel writer than anything.  What we do know is that Judas was one of the twelve, the chosen ones, Jesus’ inner circle.  He was there at the feeding of the four(five) thousand.  He was there for the calming of the sea.  Judas was there throughout Jesus’ public ministry and shared in all those private ones as well.  The intimate chats around the fire.  The laughter and the teaching…  Judas was close to Jesus.  Why then would he betray our Lord?  We can only guess — personal ambition, greed, maybe even trying to protect Jesus?  

It has also been discussed whether Jesus knew of Judas upcoming betrayal.  He knew at the Last Supper because he identified him with the dipping of the bread.  Did I know I was going to be betrayed?  I had friends who tried to warn me but I kept hoping that my friendship with this person was different (blindness).  Somehow I had touched them in a way that no one else had (ego).  Were there warning signs?  Certainly, but I choose to ignore them wanting to believe people were better then their worse personality trait (ignorance).   Did it hurt me?  Absolutely! Mostly because I believe in my ongoing need to be punished (self-hatred)

Jesus was fully human but we know that his struggle with his ego, his ignorance of human nature and self hatred were none existent being the Son of God.  And, if these moments did happened it was for only a fraction of a second.  But the one character trait that I do identify with Jesus is the deep deep disappointment he must have felt.  Knowing Judas’ potential.  Picking him knowing what he was capable of and watching Judas give in to the worst part of himself.  I believe that Jesus cried not only for Judas but cries for each one of us.  Our betrayal of him is not as public as Judas but we do betray Jesus when we allow our ego, ignorance, self-hatred, fear, pride and a thousand other “issues” be the guiding force to our action.  In those moments we share in the betrayal of Judas and we lead our Lord once more to the cross.  Maybe if we would all get our act together there would only be an Easter without the Lent and then Christ could come again.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa