Advent Means Change

One of the resources I turn to as I pray and reflect on the readings for the Sunday Mass comes out of St. Louis University.  The Center for Sunday Liturgy produces a website that provides both background information and spiritual reflections on the readings.  Those that contribute are Fr. Ron Rolheiser, Larry Gillick, John Kavanaugh, John Foley, Sr. Joyce Ann Zimmerman, John Pilch, and many others.  You can find it at www.liturgy.slu.edu and I would highly recommend you frequenting this site as a part of your own preparation for Mass on Sunday.  Now with that commercial out-of-the-way, back to our regular reflections.

Changing our lives is very concrete and visible

Do you know the definition of insanity?  Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.  Isn’t that how we live our lives?  I know its how I live my life.  Right now I am very unhappy with my work situation yet, while I am doing some things to change or move on, I keep hoping that rather than me change the situation will change to make me happy.  Now that I am a few years away from my divorce I am finding my weekends empty and lonely.  Yet, rather than change my circumstances I would rather hide in my room and feel sorry for myself.  And finally on a most practical level, I remain overweight and unhealthy and while I start my day off with the best of intentions I end up falling back to old ways of comforting myself with food.  So, how does one change? 

We hear in our Gospel this Sunday (Matt 3:1-12) Jesus’ cousin John the Baptist calling for all to “Repent”.  He is calling for us to change our ways and thus prepare for the coming Kingdom of God.  Yet, I am the same miserable soul.  How do we change?  How do we become different?  How do we become better?  How do we become the people we are meant and want to be?  While you can find a million articles on the need to change, I am not surprised to find so few with a plan or suggestions on the how to.  Change is not easy especially when we are talking about ourselves.

The one conclusion I have come to is that change requires different choices.  I have spoken a bit about this in past blogs.  We can’t hang out with the same people, or do the same routines if what we want to change is a big part of the experience.  I must choose to do something different.  I must choose to do something, other than what I have been doing.  Yes, it will be hard and in some cases even painful, but that is why most people require some sort of support community to help them stay strong.  I was able to go through my divorce because I had a support community who held me up.  But often the changes that we approach in Advent aren’t that huge.  Even so, there is a ready-made support community in our parish family.

Advent is about change.  Advent is about preparing the world to receive the Christ child but as Victor Frankl said:  “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  Not that I want to disagree with such a great man but I believe it’s both.  We cannot change ourselves without changing our situation and we cannot change our situation without changing ourselves.  Advent reminds us that we can no longer wait until the weather gets better, or our situation improves or when the …  now is the time.  Today is the day.  Now if I can only figure out the how.

I remain, your servant in Christ, Theresa

Advent, Preparing for Christ

Have you ever tried to break a bad habit?  Maybe it was stopping biting your nails or saying certain words… something that for whatever reason you started doing and now you want to stop.  For those dealing with addiction… I mean really dealing with addiction there are so many bad habits or just plan habits that one gets into associated with the addiction.  So it’s not just having the will and desire to no longer drink, smoke, eat, gamble… it’s also doing away with all the other stuff that goes a long with it.  I know of someone who had to get rid of a favorite chair because in her desire to stop smoking she knew she could no longer keep it.  Not only did the chair reek of smoke but more importantly it was where she did 80% of her smoking.  To sit in the chair meant to light up.  Or another friend who had to quit a whole group of associates because of his desire to remain sober.  We have a desire to live a healthier life and that is wonderful but it isn’t enough.  With every step we take we have to stop and look at what is dragging us down; what associated baggage are we carrying that keeps us from living the way we want or know we should.

Today begins the holy season of Advent for many Christian Churches.  Advent is the period of time (identified by counting back four Sundays from Christmas Day) before Christmas and is meant for reflection and prayer on three ideas:

In the Church we look at all that has come before to prepare the way for the Christ Child to be born.  Jesus came into the world but it was one ready and prepared to receive him.  You might think that a bit off considering that same world, some 33 years later crucified him, but it was a world more ready to receive him then ever before.  How do we know that?  Here we are some two thousand years later and his name is still proclaimed.  So, the Church gives thanks to all those men and women who lived their lives with Godly intention as best they could so that when Mary was conceived she could be done so without sin.  And Joseph could be raised to be the man who could model for the child Jesus a man of compassion and deep prayer.  Who were those people for you?  Who were those men and women who helped you become the person that you are today? What did they do; how did they help you?  

The second thing the Church reflects on is the future.  Advent is a time that we remember that Christ is coming again.  The world as we know it will end and all will be consumed into heaven.  Regardless of whether that is tomorrow or two thousand more years, as believers we are to live as if it were tomorrow.  Are we living that way, or do we act as if we have all eternity to win our way through the pearly gates?  How would/should we be different if we knew we only had a few hours, days, weeks, months to live?

Finally, Advent is the time the Church asks its members to reflect on the place of Christ in our lives today.  There are many wonderful souls who have done so much to help us become believers and we know that we don’t have forever to do something about it — so we ask ourselves:  what bad habits have I gotten into that keeps me from living as fully the life in Christ as I am meant to live?  To I not pray enough?  Is my heart not generous enough?  Do I value worldly possessions too highly or the praise of my family and friends too much? 

Advent is, approximately, four weeks in which we try not to “do it all” but to take on one bad habit that keeps us from welcoming Christ into our lives as we should.  One thing that consumes our time, attention and energy to the point of making us less of the person we know we should be.  For Christians (who really believe) this is our New Years, not January 1st. 

So, what are you going to do in these next few weeks to prepare, not just for Christmas 2010, but for a life lived with greater intention and joy?  Me?  I have a plan.  Its to break one bad habit but its a habit that consumes my life in such a way that it makes me unhealthy in body and soul.  I believe that this is the gift the Christ Child wishes me to bring to the manger on December 25th.  Not the all empty prayers or empty actions.

I remain, your servant in Christ, Theresa

Christ Our King

There is a beautiful hymn that we most often hear around Easter.  I am not sure who is the author but it comes out of the Taize Community and its title is “Jesus Remember Me.”  The song is simple and is composed of one line that is sung over and over again in a soft meditative style:  Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.  If you would like, there is an example of the piece at:  www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzTo-8pusSQ

This Sunday, the 34th Sunday of Ordinary Time, we celebrate The Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ the King.  It brings a conclusion or end to our Liturgical Year as we get ready to begin a new year next Sunday with the First Sunday of Advent.  One of the beautiful gifts that we receive in the Catholic Church, (and little appreciated) is this gift of our Church Calendar.  I have had people say to me — “Besides my issues & concerns, what do I focus my prayers on?”  As Catholics we need to turn no further than our Liturgical Calendar.  Each week we focus on yet another aspect of our faith.  Yes, they repeat year after year but if we dedicate ourselves to prayer, study and service we change from year to year allowing us to go deeper year to year.  And our year ends as our life should end… proclaiming that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD AND SAVIOR!

While it might be hard for us here in the 21st century and in a democratic society to really get into the image of proclaiming Jesus as our King we should work at looking at it non-the-less.  The question I always ask myself at this time of year is:  “Who or What do I worship?”  May sound like a funny question but if we understand worship in broader terms then we look at things like: 

• To whom or what do I turn to when I am down, upset, frustrated in hopes of working out my concerns & issues
• To whom or what do I turn when happy or joyfully and I want to celebrate
• to whom or what do I turn to save me from myself, the world, my problems
• To whom or what do I put my faith in, not what I want to say, but who/what actually gets my attention and focus

Our lives are like an onion — slowly, day by day; year by year we peel away another layer of sin, falsehoods, sorry expectations…  With Christ the King Sunday I look at my past year and ask myself did I do a better job reaching for Jesus Christ as my Lord and savior or to some one or something else.  And sadly I must confess to myself and to you that I didn’t do so well this past year. 

Still coming out of the pain and anguish of my divorce, dealing with the loss of a very valuable working relationship with a dear friend, dealing with the challenge of a new difficult relationship…. I turned not to God but to my old ally….. food. 

We are never done in our efforts to walk closer to God in faith.  One of my most favorite Scripture quotes; one that I pray will be the focus of my life and on my tombstone in death comes from the prophet Micah:  “What is good has been explained to you; this is what God asks of you and only this:  to act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with God.”  (Micah 6:8).  My life, your life, everyone’s life is about these three things – act justly; loving tenderly and walking in humility with God.  But in our walk we stumble; I stumble… a lot.  But each year at this time, Christ the King Sunday, I stop and remind myself that even while I may have screwed up again this past year; there is a new beginning, a new opportunity to start fresh and new.

The fact of the matter is that this Sunday, this season is meant to remind us that every day is a new day; every moment is a new opportunity to start again.  To take the power back into our lives and rather than react in old and destructive ways; to CHOOSE to act in new and life giving ways.  The first is to realize that it is God who created us and we belong to God.  No matter how hard we fight it, peace is only found in surrender. 

Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior and I want my life to be a reminder to the world what God can do if we but allow it to be so.  I want, at my funeral, to be a proud acclamation not of my accomplishments but what God has accomplish in and through me.  But that can’t happen as long as I continue to turn to food as my salvation and comfort.  And so, let it be known today that I rededicate myself to the wonder and majesty of my Lord, Jesus Christ.  On Sunday I will proclaim His name as my King — not food, not acceptance, not anything but His name on my lips.

Until next time, I remain, your servant in Christ, Theresa

Over the River

It might just be me, but I am getting the impression that people are becoming more and more selfish and self-absorbed.  There is a good way to be selfish — taking care of yourself and making sure those around you give you the respect that is deserved — but that is not what I am talking about.  There seems to be this growing myopic sense around the people in my life so I can only assume it is everywhere.  What am I talking about?  Why are people so selfish?  Why is it that we want what we want regardless of the cost to the people around us? 

There are many present life experiences that brings this on — the idiot in ny ministry that I must deal with who seems to not be aware of anyone else but himself.  The growing sense of the Church’s need to focus on rules, credentials and laws to the detriment of those they serve and then there is my daughter and the struggle that she is presently dealing with

My college aged daughter and her boyfriend ,of almost three years, are experiencing a major battle in their lives.  They are trying to plan their Christmas so that they aren’t spending 90% of the time in the car going from one place to another.  When they first dated they did their own thing and met up some where on Christmas Day.  Last year, while not engaged, they wanted to be together throughout.  Part of it was that my daughter had just lost her Babcia (Polish for Grandmother and pronounced bop-cha) in death after a month struggle with cancer of the brain.  My daughter needed someone to lean on and her boyfriend was more than happy to provide that resting place for her.  They were inseparable but miserable during the many and varied family Christmas celebration as they spent most of their time in the car driving.

So, they decided that next year would be different.  While they wanted to be together throughout they wanted to spend way less time in the car and more time enjoying family and friends.  They had the whole thing worked out fairly with each of four households (his dad’s family, mom’s family and her mom and her dad) getting equal amounts of their attention.  And then the boyfriends mother insisted it “wasn’t fair!”  meaning she didn’t get them all the time and everywhere.  They finally got her simmered down, appreciating “the plan” and then yesterday my daughter told her dad.  BAM!  We are back to square one.  He laid all sorts of guilt at her feet insisting that she should be with him “every Christmas Eve.”

There are so many reasons my heart is broken with each of these battles, and trust me I am only giving the high lights; because I hold my daughter as she sobs.  She is trying to deal with the guilt she feels because she wants to please them but the frustration and anger she has because she knows what she is asking is anything but unreasonable.  While I can understand, in some small way, everyone’s desire to want to have their family “complete” throughout the holidays by having everyone at their side; I am so angry and frustrated with all of their small mindedness and their selfishness.  Especially my ex-husband who got ‘it all’ throughout our marriage because I had no family here to compete for our attention during the holidays.  So, every Christmas Eve was at his mothers and while we were home Christmas Day that is what he wanted as well.

Me?  Where am I through this whole thing?  Yes, I would love to have the kids undivided attention throughout the holidays but I am so aware that isn’t going to happen.  So I make the rest of the time I don’t have them count.  I love them but they aren’t my life.  And I am not going to give them the responsibility of making my happiness.  I am sure I will feel somewhat different when there are grandchildren but for now its enough to know that they love me and that they are well. 

We do live in a very selfish time.  While we have war and difficulties they are nothing compared to what our parents, grandparents and great grandparents endured during the first half of the 20th Century.  Maybe that is what we need — some great and ongoing tragedy and strife  to rattle our cage.  I would hope not.  I would hope that we can see that each and every day is a gift and if we aren’t getting what we want out of it then we need to first look at ourselves and what we are not doing.  Until next time, I remain

Your Servant in Christ, Theresa

Fear of the Lord

We are now in the last two weeks of our Liturgical calendar year as Catholics.  Advent, which begins, once again, a new year is quickly around the corner.  If we look at the year as a whole we see that as we come to the end we reflect, in our readings, a sense of the end of time; or in the very least the end of our personal life story here on earth.  In truth we should see standing outside of each of our Churches that dirty robed prophet who proclaims as we walk in:  “Repent!  The end is near!”  Is the world coming to an end any time soon?  Who knows.  Every so often we hear of the latest prediction that by such and such a date the world will be done.  The newest, I believe, has it all at an end in the year 2012.  In my 50 plus years I have heard dozens of such predictions of which none, obviously, have been true.  It’s that fear that sometimes raises in our hearts at the thought that it might be true that I want to look at today.

One of the many spiritual strengths identified by St. Paul is the gift of Fear of the Lord.  As Catholics it is one of the seven strengthened in us at Confirmation.  We are meant to be “afraid” of God.  But how can that be?  If we are to understand that love is the absence of fear and above all we are to love God… how can we fear God along side of loving God?  Well, the problem is in our understanding of fear. 

The problem is that in our modern language we have only one word for fear but in the Old Testament there were two and they had very different meanings.  The fear we often think of, which is the terror in the night, the scary movie, the sick to my stomach horror is a biblical concept and the word used is:  pachad.  Our God is a mighty and powerful God who can do all things.  This God has promised that there will be righteous judgement for all.  And those who are continue unrepentant arrogant in their ways will suffer the pain of eternal damnation.  Don’t know about you but the thought of eternal torment scares me.  And it is meant to.  But this is not the “Fear of the Lord” we receive as a gift.  And the only way this fear of punishment can exist is if the love we have for God is immature and incomplete. 

When there is love — deep, abiding, respectful love, which we are called to mature too in our relationship with God — there can exist and should exist yirah which is the second type of fear talked about in scripture.  This fear is seen as a reasonable, settled concern, an awe before what is very much bigger than us. This older meaning of the word has us focus on a reverential wonder toward the creator.  One way to understand is to look at three elements that co-exist in this type of fear.

First there is reverence in this fear; or in modern terms a deep, real respect.  Think of someone you have or do really admire… maybe on the level of hero-worship.  You have followed their career; read the books; seen all the movies … and now you have been invited to meet them.  It’s a personal invitation and while there will be others coming as well, some you know and some you don’t know, you will be the guest of honor.  You have a month to prepare.  What do you do?  Certainly you plan for your physical appearance — hair cut and style… new clothes… maybe new make-up.  You want to look your best.  Why?  Because you are afraid of them?  Or, because your admiration and respect is so great you show your honor for them by looking your best, being on your best behavior. 

Secondly, in this non-scarey fear, there is a hatred of evil, of anything that is not of God and the Love of God.  So, back to our dinner with our hero.  Besides worrying about our appearance don’t we take the time to re-read the books, re-watch the movies, to do our best to learn all that we can about this person so that we can not only engage them in conversation but not embarrass ourselves by saying or doing something we shouldn’t.  Depending on how important this person is to us, we can try to change our entire way of living in hopes that we root out what is not good and important to them and celebrate only what is valuable and good.

Thirdly, we are obedient to their desires and wishes.  If the invitation says to wear nothing red, out of respect and obedience to their wishes we double and triple check that nothing we are wearing has a thread of red in it.  And once in their presence, if our admiration is real our focus is not on ourselves but on their words and actions and facial gestures in hopes that we might anticipate anything that will please them. 

Our God is an unseen God which makes it difficult to discern what our Lord wants at times.  But think of the last time you went to Mass/Church.  The attitude and posture we go into our communal prayer is to focus on God and to have a holy fear of the Lord.  Do we worry about being properly prepared?  Looking like we see this as a holy moment?  Even showing up, not so much because we want to but because we know we are supposed to?  Holy Fear of the Lord is something very missing in our present world. Most of us are pre-Copernican spiritually. God’s job is to circle around us, we think, as if we were the center of the universe.

My challenge in this coming week is going to be to reflect on how disrespectful I have been to this God who wants nothing more than to love me.  I am going to pray to strengthen within me the gift of the Fear of the Lord so that in this coming new Liturgical year I will honor God more.  I remain,

Your Servant in Christ,  Theresa

Fear and God’s Love

At this point in my life and career, while I would not call myself a biblical scholar, I have read, researched and studied enough of the holy scriptures that the intention of 90% of, especially the New Testament is clear.  But today’s Gospel  (Friday, 31st week) is one that has perplexed me. 

Taken from the Gospel of Luke, chapter 16, we hear of a dishonest steward of a wealthy man who is fired.  The steward, afraid of his certain future as either a beggar or laborer quickly comes up with a plan to collect debt that he had been responsible for.  The twist is that in the collecting he forgives a percentage from each farmer gaining their appreciate and in the end winning the praise and forgiveness of his Master.  OK, once again I must say what I hate to hear others say to me…. “but that’s not fair!”  He is dishonest.  He should be punished.  So, I went in search to find out what I am not understanding in this parable and this is what I have discovered.

Our focus should not be on the actions of the servant except in this one element.  This servant must have realized that at some level his Master was a fair and (here is the key concept) merciful man.  Think of it not in terms of commerce but in terms of life.  Do we begrudge the dishonest person who in their last hours comes to realize the idiocy of their choices and turns their lives over to Christ?  No, of course not.  We welcome and embrace our new brother or sister in Christ and celebrate that even though their earthly walk with our Lord will be short, they are now on the right path.  Why did they convert?  Most probably because deep in their hearts they knew that what they were taught in Sunday school as a child was right and they faced eternal damnation if they didn’t do something quick… the same motive as the servant.

The focus of this parable and all of scripture is to learn and know that our God, while just, is loving and merciful.  And, this is the lesson of the parable, there is no expiration date on that mercy; at least that we know of in this life time.  And God’s mercy judges our actions not the reasons behind.  So saving ourselves from eternal damnation is our primary reason for sitting our butts in the pews each Sunday.  We are there, aren’t we.  In the same way that in dealing with children I would hope their reasons for good behavior would have a higher motivation but if fear of punishment is the only thing that works…

In any love relationship we hope that our beloved comes to us because of a deep desire to please us, to share themselves with us, to acknowledge the gift of life and love that is ours but we also know that far too often we are motivated in action for fear that if we don’t there will be a harsh outcome.    We think; “Just nob my head and pretend I am listening or they will get mad.”  Or how about; “I had better show up or there will be a price to pay.”  Fear of punishment motivates all of us.  There is no shame in that.  It is a reality of life.  And thanks be to God that we are invested in a faith walk with a God who takes us just where we are at.   But there is always the hope for more and if we stay in the “fear of punishment mode” then there is something wrong. 

The servant was forgiven and taken back into the Master’s household.  The hope is that this servant learned from his mistakes, because there was a reason he was dismissed.  The hope is this servant, now having experienced the Master’s mercy worked to live up to a new and better way of functioning in their role.  The hope is the servant learned to love the Master and lived to simply show his appreciate and love for the Master.  But that is all a process and we are all somewhere in the process.  the challenge is to keep at it.  Never stop trying.  And if in the end the only motivation is fear, then so be it.  Go with that and go with God.  I remain,

Your servant in Christ, Theresa

The Journey Continues

“Do nothing out of selfishness or vain glory” (Phil 2:3)

I love my Lord!  I was fortunate enough to be raised by two devote Catholics who saw their faith as more than just a cultural reality but really gave, in their own ways, of themselves to their God as best they could understand.  My path in life, while sometimes seemed erratic was a steady march carrying two banners — taking care of others and walking ever closer to the ways of God.  In high school God gifted me with friends who demonstrated to me how to take the faith that was outside of myself and make it very personal.  That lead to an undergraduate program at a somewhat local Catholic College where my faith education continued.  The final step was taking, what I thought was a temporary job in ministry, in north central Louisiana and I was caught.  Within a few years I began to see that the journey I had taken to this point was not accidental but God’s design for me.  Since that time I have taken pride in my vocation seeking to better myself so that when I serve it is life-giving and carries with it the potential of God “moving the waters” toward their personal healing.  I took as my creed, my goal, my objectives in life, faith and ministry the words of Micah 6:8:  What is good has been explained to you.  this is what Yahweh askes of you and only this:  To act justly, to love tenderly and to walk humbly with your God.    Now I am beginning to wonder.

The Catholic Church has changed.  When I was in college there was so much possibilities.  The Second Vatican Council had just occurred and the religious world now set about trying to figure out what this gift was and how to use it.  Yes, there were abuses but name me a time throughout all of history that there were not abuses that came because of human weakness and stupidity.  Read the creation story in Genesis.  In the beginning we as humanity have screwed up!  And while all of scripture is filled with wonderful gifts of God’s grace and mercy, it is also filled with story after story after story after story after story after story…. (well, you get the idea) of our taking that grace and love and spitting on it.  The last two thousand years of history continue this story of God’s gift and grace and human screw up.  But there was always comeone, some community, something that happened to bring us back to the Truth of God.  So, yes there were abuses after Vatican II and they need to be corrected.  But why must it be (or at least seem that way) at the expense of all the good that has come out of that Council?

For the longest time I identified myself as a “Vatican II Void” meaning that since my growing up years was through the 60′s most weren’t sure what to teach so they didn’t or did very little.  My being a “VII Void” turned me into a Vatican II Victory.  As a young adult I became like a sponge and consumed the spirit and teachings that was the council.  But lately I feel like a Vatican II Victim not of the Council itself but of those who would seek to “correct the direction” the Council took.

Where is this all coming from and where am I going with this?  I don’t know?  I am struggling right now to know what God’s will for me is?  I have embraced my destiny… no call in ministry with delight.  I struggled but reveled in my role as wife and mother.  I died to many false dreams as I walked through the valley of death in working through my divorce and now that I can breathe again I turn with gleeful expectation to a life completely devoted to the Church and ministry and find that who I am, as minister, is no longer really wanted unless I take this “oath” or that “plague”.  And watching the expectation to live the letter of the law kill those who would be served, healed, called by the spirit of the law.  The pendulum continues to swing to the other side.  I believe we need both, spirit and letter, but isn’t this what Jesus came to challenge?  Too much concern for the law and too little for the needs of the poeple it was suppose to serve?

What to do?  Where do I serve?  How do I serve?  This present moment of suspicion and hyper concerned for orthodoxy isn’t going to go away.  I guess we are all just going to have to stay tuned and see what happens.  You know that saying:  Be patient.  God isn’t finished with me yet.

I remain, your servant in Christ, Theresa

Would You be Convicted as a Believer?

Faith in the face of adversity is both a horrible outrage but an amazing gift.  One of my personal hero’s is archbishop Oscar Romero.  He was the Bishop of the Catholic Church of El Salvador in Central America from 1977 to 1980.  On March 24th, 1980, while celebrating Mass, as he elevated the host during the consecration, Archbishop Romero was shot and killed.  His crime?  He lived and preached the gospel which put him at odds with the civil and military authorities.  I would ask that as we listen and reflect on the reading this weekend we put aside the politics and simply think about the courage it takes to continue to teach and preach gospel values in the face of such hatred.

In the first reading from 2nd Maccabees (7:102,9-14) we have a modified story of brothers as they face civil authority seeking to destroy these siblings and their leadership by demoralizing them.  The challenge? – to defile Jewish law by eating pork.  They are tortured and humiliated but yet each dies in turn rather than, as one brother puts it:  “than transgress the laws of our ancestors.”  What faith!  Another brother when facing the reality that his tongue will be cut out should he not eat says:  “It is from Heaven that I received these for the sake of His laws…from him I hope to receive them again.” 

In the Gospel this weekend we find Jesus being challenged once again by the Temple leadership.  In Luke’s Gospel (20:27-38) “they” present him with a tricky question in hopes to catch him and then later destroy Jesus.  But our Lord knows the hearts and minds of humanity so much better than we know our own.  But in the end Jesus, even though he spoke only the truth, healed the sick, gave sight to the blind, hope to the hopeless — rather than being celebrated he was crucified because he challenged the civil and religious authority at the time. 

We are quickly coming to the end of our liturgical year.  The First Sunday of Advent is but four weeks away.  Our Sunday readings turn a big ugly and dissonant as the Church seeks to remind us that to believe means we will face adversity.  And the more convicted we live the uglier the hardship and danger.  We may say to ourselves:  ”in this present age all is well.  There are no evil despots who would destroy all simply because we believe.”  Ah, but what about tomorrow. 

Today we deal with small matters… making sure we get to Church on Sunday, saying our prayers, responding kindly when someone offends our beliefs but saying something.   Now is the time to ask ourselves how are we doing.  Would we be convicted by our neighbors if faith was outlawed tomorrow?  Are we living our faith well enough that we can be readily identified as believers?  Today is small matters but if we don’t live in the small matters a strong and convicted faith then we will crumble in the big moments.  Do you think the Jews knew from the moment of its inception what would be the outcome of the Nazi Party? 

 Our call in faith is not just to when we want to believe or when its convenient to live out that belief.  It’s a call to every day and in every way.  An example — as a parent, once that child enters my life I am a parent 24/7, regardless of what is on my calendar, whose party I wish to attend, what show is on the TV…  Yes, there are many who live as if they can turn this responsibility on and off but then it shows in the general decay of our culture and society.  As parent my ex and I made the choice to live very simply so that I could stay home with our daughter.  Hardest but the best decision we ever made, (and I was the one pushing to go back to work!).   This is how we are meant to live our faith.  Every day and in every part of our lives. 

Yes, it is hard because our society is seeped in a culture of sin.  To be a person of faith is to be counter cultural and that is never easy.  But like the brothers in our first reading, we must remember that our lives here are but a moment and only a stepping stone to the gift of eternal life with Jesus.  Archbishop Oscar Romero, the Maccabees brothers, those who stood strong in the face of religious persecution throughout time… these are our hero and role models, not the sports and movie stars.  Let us pray for one another that we can remain strong.  In the words of St. Paul (2nd Thessalonians 2:16-3:5)

Finally brothers and sisters, pray for us so that the word of the Lord may speed forward and be glorified, as it did among you, and that we may be delivered from perverse and wicked people, for not all have faith.  But the Lord is faithful; he will strengthen you and guard you from the evil one.

Be strong.  Be of good faith.  I remain,  Your servant in Christ, Theresa

Eyes Are Watching

You cannot have something both ways!  We cannot in one breath say to the world around us:  “I am an example, look to me!” and then turn around and get angry when people are watching.  The first place one can immediately see this is in celebrity status.  Now, I realize there are many “stars” who do not enjoy the limelight, but there are those who love to see their face in the news, get requests for talk shows and late night and those prime tables at hard to get into restaurants.  But hate to see themselves on the tabloids and complain that they need their privacy.  Eyes are always watching.  Now we may say — “I am not a star so I don’t have to worry about this.”  Ah…. yes, we do if you are a — parent, teacher, clergy, or anyone who seeks to influence the behavior of others.

My daughter is now a grown woman but when she was a toddler I learned very quickly that she was watching.  She would imitate what I did; how I responded to people around me and the words I said.  I never realized how often a said something until I heard it coming from her mouth.  I watch small children at play and see their parents.  One child is constantly pretending to talk on a phone as they run from toy to toy.  Another bullies their way into everything saying they know how to do this or that.  And still another whines about every little inconvenience.  While this isn’t always true — children are born with their own unique natures and characteristics — after 30 years of working with children I have a pretty good idea of the parent simple spending time with their child.  They watch and they learn.  That is the child’s job. 

But that isn’t really what I want to focus on in this blog.  In today’s reading from the Gospel (Luke 14:1-6) we hear of Jesus dining at the home of one of the leading Pharisees.  And it says:  and the people were observing him (Jesus) carefully.  While I am sure the majority of these church leaders were watching Jesus in hopes they would catch him in a miss-step, but I am also so there where those there still trying to figure him out and others who were hoping he was “the one”, the Messiah.  Jesus understood that it wasn’t just about what he said but who he was.  I wish more people in leadership, especially in Churches would understand and embrace that.

Perfection is not what I am asking for.  Jesus’ advantage is that he was divine, the Son of God and we are not.  So we will make mistakes, stumble and fall, go in the wrong direction — all of us even those who have sent themselves as “living examples”.  But my issue is those who choose to lead, no, ask to lead and in some cases (politics) beg to lead and then get mad when they are caught doing some thing they should do.  Don’t put yourself out in front if you don’t want people watching you!  Leadership in every capacity is difficult.  Especially if you are in a position of Moral leadership such as in a Church or as a parent.  In both, especially parenting, those eyes watching are most often innocent and you never know what those eyes see.

Professionally I work in Church ministry and for a long while my ministry was somewhat public.  I am no where close to having my act together but I am reminded often enough that eyes are watching me.  When I am grocery shopping or in the mall I can be stopped by a parishioner just to say hello.  Post office, Doctors office, where ever.  It is not that I change my behavior when I go out because believe it or not I believe the stuff that I teach and what to become more Christ like.  I don’t understand any ministry who on Sunday morning preaches the teaching of the Gospel and then later acts like an idiot saying “I need to relax…. be myself.”  If you believed what you taught shouldn’t you want to walk in the ways of the Lord?  Shouldn’t that be more relaxing than say drinking or immoral behavior? 

As I just said, I am not perfect and I lose my temper and make poor choices but my hope is that with every day those moments become less and less.   I very much want my life to be a living witness to who Jesus is and what he can do for us…. in every moment of my day not just in the moments I am “on” professionally.  And the general public is not stupid.  People can quickly pick up a hypocrite and those that don’t want to be fooled.

My challenge is more to myself that to anyone… like the pharisees gathered around the table watching Jesus, there are many, many people in my life watching me.  These people want to know if what I say is what I believe and if what I believe is really true.  I am not the only person they are watching but I don’t want to be the reason they stop watching.  I remain,

Your Servant in Christ,  Theresa

Armor of God

While I deeply appreciate and respect those who put their lives on the line for the independence and safety of others, I am not a big fan of images of war.  But lately, because of what is going on in my own professional life I can’t help but relate to the idea.  Every morning as I, get ready for my day I have to mentally psych myself up.  And throughout the day “pump myself up” depending on who walks into my office.  When I get home at night I find that I am counting and tending my wounds received in battle that day.  So, when I turned to today’s readings I couldn’t help but almost burst into tears as I read an excerpt taken from the letter to the Ephesians, chapter 6, verses 10-19.

 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might.  Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the Gospel of Peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints,

Ah, the work of the Holy Spirit.  How did God know that I would need to be touched by this reading at just this time.  In many ways I do see myself as getting ready to go into battle.  I know this because the person I am dealing with has the same characteristics and personality traits as another very important relationship does.  In the beginning of the beginning of our relationship I saw each conversation as an opportunity for understanding, healing and change.  Later, and after reflecting on years of disappointment I realized that because of who he was at his core these were not conversations, they were battles in which there must always be a clear winner… him.  Truth was not truth unless he sees it that way.  Personal experience and perception of the other was something to be aware of but to never take seriously unless it resonates with his own.   Eventually I stopped trying and I stopped talking.  I mean what is the point if my feelings, perceptions, beliefs, understandings, priorities are never going to be taken seriously and at best will always be an afterthought to his own.  And now, a bit wiser, I must once again go into battle with yet another ongoing relationship in my life that is all too familiar.  Knowing what I know I realize that I can pray and hope that a we will both come out of this heard, understood and respected but my experience tells me that I need to prepare for the worse.

So, how does one prepare for such ongoing battle as I see myself as facing?  Our answer is in the reading today from St. Paul:

• Shield of Faith:  We must always believe that God is with us.  If our desire is for truth and we act, not for selfish gain, but in righteousness then God will be honored.  I believe that God has promised new life in the face of any death and I must keep my mind and heart open to God’s ways even if they are hidden from my sight in this moment.
• Helmet of Salvation:   I know that I am saved.  I have given my heart and life over to Jesus and he, and he alone, is my savior.  So rather than getting caught up in false hope and expectations, desire for acceptance or whatever I put in the place of Christ,  I will turn to the Lord who will heal and lead me.
• Breastplate of Righteousness:  To be a righteous person in the eyes of faith is to be one who is honest, good, humble and fair to others — even when being served dishonesty, evil, arrogance and unfair practices.  It is not about what they do, it is about who I am in the face of their evil.  So as long as I go into any battle prepared to be honest about everything, even my own failings; seeking good for everyone, even my enemy, humble in dealings and fair in my actions and decision then I am honoring God and myself, regardless of how others see it.
• Belt of Truth:  Truth in this context is God’s Truth, not the worlds; not the perceptions of others, including myself.  If my desire is to find God’s Truth in this situation and then represent it, I must be honest with myself.  But once I know what is True then I stand firm to protect and defend it.
• Feet Walk in the Ways of the Gospel of Peace:  How do I know God’s Truth?  Because I seek to be a serious student of His Word and His Way.  And in that my goal is not “to win” but to seek a peaceful and just resolution for all.
• Sword of the Spirit:  But when the other will not settle for anything but their total conquest of me or those weaker around me, then I must use the Word of God, which I have come to know and love to be the cutting edge in their defeat and my/others defense.

And there you have it… my meditation as I prepare to do battle this coming week, month, year…  May it help you as you deal with the evil in your life.  No, I am not saying this person is evil, but what they can do to others, to me, can be evil.  I will no longer let myself, or others around me be fodder for the arrogance and injustice of others.  But I don’t want to become them either and the only way to assure that what I do and say is right and just is to lean on the Lord.  I remain,

your servant in Christ, Theresa