Graduation Day

My daughter graduated from High School yesterday.  Although I have moved into my final stages of my feminine cycle, I would swear that I am PMSing these days because I am so emotional and cry at the drop of a hat.  My baby, my one and only is all grown up.  The same little girl who would make up dances to all the Disney songs just came home after a celebration dinner with her Dad’s family boasting that she had champagne to commemorate the big day! No more sparkling juice for this young woman.  The same little girl who studied with me as we home schooledthrough the 3rd grade graduated with the highest honors; 6thin her class of 225 with a cumulative GPA of 4.45.  The same little girl who stood at the shore of Lake Superior at a family vacation with arms open wide as she prayed a simple child’s prayer of praisenow stands with arms open wide to embrace the world.  She is my baby no longer.

It is the strangest tug of war that is going on in my heart and soul.  I am so very proud of the young woman she has become and celebrate with her every one of her accomplishments.  I mean it to the core of my being when I say that it is now her destiny to journey out into the world and accomplish all that God intents with the talents He has given her.  Yet, I resent (to a small degree) every step she takes, because each step is a step away from me.  My tears are a mixture of pride, gratitude and sorrow. 

After the ceremony, although I had ample invitations to continue the celebration or at least not be alone I chose to go home and be by myself.  It had already been pre-arranged for my daughter to celebrate with her dad’s family and I was not invited (not that I expected to be).  I knew that without my daughter by my side I would become very melancholy at anyone else’s party and I didn’t want to bring a damper into the evening.  So, I picked up dinner and watched the movie Taken with Liam Neeson.  It was an appropriate story of a 17 year old girl on holiday in Paris and within a few hours of landing she and her friend are kidnapped with the intentions of selling them into prostitution.  Liam Neeson is the father of the girl who has 96 hours to find her before she is either dead or unfindable. 

This was a great movie to watch given my emotional upheaval because as I watched this father literally do everything and anything to find his daughter I understood boththe pain and the intensity of that drive.  With each obstacle he would encounter he would force his way through without apology.  And when he found her (sorrow I just gave away the ending) the look of both belief and disbelief in the girl’s eyes when she said “Daddy, You found me” opened up the floodgate of tears for me.  My response “Of course I found you… that’s what parents do.” 

In my life I have been very lucky.  So far my daughter has not “gone” anywhere that needed a Liam Neeson type search.  But I have friends whose children have become victims of drugs, alcohol, sex, cancer, depression, mental illness… and the list goes on.  Some just have difficult temperaments that requires a great deal from the parents to simply find peace with them.  But even though my lot with my daughter has been a relatively easy path I know that I would do anything to find my child should she become lost… that’s what parents do.

They talk to endless doctors looking for a direction and hope.  Counselor after counselor to find a way to break down the wall that are build up around their child do to choice or disease.  Activities, groups, books, therapy, processes… whatever it takes if it means that once again we can watch our children dance with abandonment… enjoy our children sing their heartsong with confidence… feel their arms wrapped around us as they snuggle into our neck for safety and love.  These are the payoffs we get as parents.  And we will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

So, I delight in my daughters accomplishments.  I pray for all those parents who on a day like graduation struggle knowing that their children are lost.  And I challenge all those parents whose children are still very young to enjoy and appreciate every moment of their childhood.  Don’t force them to grow up too fast because you will miss it desperately when its gone.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Star Trek, A Review

Yesterday a friend and I went to see the new Star Trek movie that came out last weekend.  As a long time fan of the original series and movies based on that story line and a fan of each of the other series that were based on the Star Trek concept; I like other fans was sceptical of what we were going to see.  Would they cater to the original story and characters and therefore produce a good film but somewhat childish (given the technology of the 1960’s compared to now) or change everything pandering to the new generation but angering those who knew the complete back story of the original characters?  So, as we sat waiting to see what would happen in our minds we both wondered what we be experiencing on the other end of the movie.  Well, without giving away any of the story line I must say it was an exceptionally good experience. 

Without my knowing how the process went to create the concept and then write for this movie I give 4.5 stars (out of 5) to Robert Orci, Alex Kurtsman and the rest of the writers for coming up with not only something that respects what has been but creates all sorts of possibilities for the future.  Those that worked with the technical end did an excellent job holding onto our modern day technological savie but respecting some of the original aspects part of the characters job (like Uhura’s earpiece).  And as for the casting… that too was outstanding, although my friend thought that they could have done better than Simon Pegg for Scottie; but me I was impressed at how well each of the younger versions really looked like possible younger versions.  And although they didn’t overwrite the characters to what I remember of the original series but then did add at least one line, or look or character trait that kept us “oldies” happy.  It was a great movie and I would highly recommend it.  By the way there is no nudity (although one suggestive scene) and although there is a lot of destruction there is very little overt violence — both in character with the original series.

As I have said in the past, I love watching movies.  What books did and continue to do I believe movies can do.  They are not just there for entertainment or for forwarding a political agenda but given the right conversation, emotional situation, story line there are all sorts of possibilities to use a movie or a scene or a dialogue to engage the imagination and start a discussion.  STATIC Solutions, the company I once co-owned but no longer (but, I hope to still write for) will be coming out with a book that will take a wide variety of movies and do just that.  Check out the website at www.staticplace.com.   Meant for educators, ministers and family discussions this book will provide not only great discussion starters but possible activities as well.  Keep your eye on the website for this and other exceptional educational material.

For those of us who wish to impact the lives of our students, youth, children, it is not enough to simply do what has worked for us.  We must be constantly open to new and innovated possibilities.  We were created not only to sustain what is but to look to future possibilities.  Like the Star Trek movie there is a foundation, a history, a back story that must be respected and carried with us.  Like roots to a tree the deeper they sink the stronger our faith, history, character is.  But the branches must reach high and strong as well.  And for that to happen imagination, innovation, creativity is necessary.  A tree cannot survive if it is all roots. 

So, on this day I give thanks for what has been but I am excited about future possibilities.  This way we can (to use the words familarly to every Trekie… ) “…to boldly go where no one has gone before!”  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Finding Inner Peace

Most days I love my job, my ministry.  Lately I have felt like the luckiest person in the world that I have found… well, truth be told, lead to my vocation in ministry.  It is dynamic, multi-generational, creative, challenging and fulfilling.  But there are days (note heavy sign and facial grimace)…  Days where the battle front of the ego’s of others classing with the possibility of growth can leave me depressed and frustrated.  Days where person upon person comes into my office demanding their wants be met while arrogantly ignoring my needs.  Days where no matter how strong I stand; how right I am; how important the cause I fight for… I walk away beaten and bloodied.  In these past few weeks there have been several of those kinds of moments as budgets are prepared and contracts are signed but yesterday afternoon I had somewhat of a show down.

Let me begin by saying that we have a Deacon assigned to our parish.  He does not live near by (relatively speaking; maybe 15 miles away), so he does not attend our community events.  He has not taken on, in the 18 months he has been assigned here, any responsibility in ministry other than to preach once a month and to preside at baptisms 6 times a year.  No, he is not paid.  His full time job is basically in sales, and he embraces the basic stereotype of the worst kind of the “Fuller Brush Man”.  Glad handing, telling jokes, talking loudly without listening, and no matter what you do or say he has a better idea of how it should be done.  Especially when in comes to your job.  In ome ways he is a nice guy and he is trying but he gives me very little reason to want to interact with him.

Place beside this person one boss, who I have talked about before who has the personality of a lion.  Roars loudly demanding we see her as “the boss” and fear her.  She is dedicated to her work but lacks certain moral character so not everything done around here is “Kosher”.  Next to her is the Pastor who can be very legalistic and protective of that which he is interested in (The rubrics of how Mass, prayer, Sacraments and other liturgical experiences are done) but extremely passive in everything else.  His passive nature benefits me in that he gives me a lot of room to do as I believe best but when those rare moments I am confronted and attack, he just sits and lets me duke it out with the person.

Yesterday there was a meeting.  It was an evaluation of our Lent and Easter Week experiences.  Sitting around the table was our music director, pastor, the deacon and myself.  For a variety of reasons I play a role, when appropriate, in a number of ways in our liturgical experiences (such as leading Stations of the Cross, devotions and vigil services as well as facilitate those liturgical experiences that involve our RCIA–Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults).  With out going into detail lets just say I walked out of that meeting, along with our music director feeling very bloodied and bruised and it wasn’t because the pastor said anything.  It seems our deacon, who was too busy to come to the planning meeting and who wasn’t at many f the prayer moments, had all sorts of “great” ideas and evaluations to offer.  What ensued was a battle of opinions and wills.  No body won.

Anyone who knows me and my work here in the parish knows that I work hard, very hard.  I have never been one who “clocks out” at the end of the day but understand that ministry requires more then just getting the minimum done.  I am dedicated to the people I serve and the ministry I do.  I went home last night thinking “I don’t need this shit!”  And I don’t know what bothers me more; the deacon’s arrogance and ego or the pastors silence in the attack.  Even now I can still feel the cloud overwhelming sense of frustration, fatigue and anger that hovered over me as I left the building with yesterday.  My question is what do I do about it?  How do I deal with it. 

I speak here not of their ignorance, passivity and arrogance but of what dealing with it conjures up in my body and soul.  Its like eating some very spicy food.  So spicy you run to the facet for water and feel the burn a long while after.  This crap discussed above happens to us all the time in a variety of ways.  Work, family, associations… we deal with personalities and situations that long after it is done we carry with us like a bad taste in our mouths.  A part of me wants to cry.  Another part wants to scream and shout.  And yet another wants hit something or run away.  I am above wanting to nurture and harbor these feelings but how do I exorcise them from my being? 

Jesus said “The poor you will have with you always” (Matt 26:11) meaning hose who are economically without.  But in times like this I realize that you can replace the word poor with words such as:  sick, idiotic, arrogant, opinionated, hostile… you name it.  We live in a fallen world and we will always have to deal with difficult people.  Our choice is whether we let them determine our happiness and success by their choices and opinions.  Not me.  My new challenge in life is to figure out a way for me to cope with them that is healthy and healing for me.  If you have any ideas I would love to hear them.  In the meantime, I’ll just have to contend with a few days of frustration and anger until I get a day off and get away from all this madness.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Peace be with You

Peace.  What a wonderful concept.  What a wonderful thing to strive for.  But, it occurred to me lately that most really don’t want peace.  What most want is a stress free life — two very different ideas.

There is a friend in my life who is going through a difficult time.  As she becomes more and more her own person she finds that more and more there is conflict in her life.  She is both happy with her new found strength and courage but at the same time very conflicted and sad because saying no and speaking the truth of her heart has caused the loss of some relationships and the unsettling of many others.  I feel for her and understand what she is going through because that has been me for the last couple of years.  And just as friends were there to support me through this change in perspective, attitude and therefore relationships; I know its important for me to be there for her.  Just like me, she says she wants peace, she prays for peace; but really what she wants are these conflicts and difficulties to disappear.

Each Sunday, each time we go to Mass there comes a point between hearing and reflecting on the readings and our feeding on the Bread of Life that the community is directed to extend to one another “a sign of peace.”  The exact words we hear are:

Priest:  Lord Jesus Christ, you said to your apostles:  “I leave you peace, my peace I give you.”  Look not on our sins, but the faith of your Church, and grant us the peace and unity of your kingdom where you live forever and ever.

People:  Amen

Priest:  The Peace of the Lord be with you always

People:  And also with you

Priest:  Let us offer the sign of peace.

Each week we go through this, and just like so much of our responses in faith and in life they become automatic.  We stop thinking about what we are doing, what the meaning is behind the words and actions.  When we turn to our neighbor we are not offering them a stress free life.  It is not our power to give.  The words of the priest are:  the peace OF THE LORD be with you…  It is God’s peace you are praying for to those you extend your hand to.  So, lets stop and think about it.  What is the Peace of the Lord?

Without boring you with a 100 page introduction followed by several volumes of explanation, let me try to be concise.  Have you ever met someone who is in the midst of some major tragedy or crisis and while they are fully aware of what is going on and are appropriately sad, concerned or upset they also seem… ok.  Its like they seem to know something we don’t know that allows them to handle the situation well.  God has been allowed into their lives and hearts to life them up and carry them through their difficulties.  This happened to me once. 

Yesterday I spoke of my gratitude for my daughter and the young woman she has grown up to be.  Well, in her first hours of life there was grave doubt by the medical community who assisted in her birth that she would survive to the next day.  I had preclampsia in the final weeks of my pregnancy.  When it was diagnosis they did an ultrasound and pronounced that we had a health baby, approximately 6plus pounds.  The sent me home to complete bed-rest and scheduled to induce labor on July 9th (due date was July 23rd).  The evening of July 3rd my water broke and at 3:06pm July 4th a weak 4lb, 14oz baby girl came into the world.  The weight loss?  They figured in the 4 weeks my uterus was shutting down and she was starving.  Had she not come when she came…  They put me in the maternity ward in one wing and her in Neonatal Intensive care on another side of the hospital.  I found out later that everyone prepared for the worse.  Through the process of deliver I required 140 stitches and I was still recovering from the general delivery and all but I found the strength and drive to walk several corridors to get to where my daughter was several times a day to feed her the 2 – 4 ozs she would take.  Not once did I doubt that everything would be fine.  Not once did I think that this experience would end anyway but happy.  I trained for a while as a nurse and worked Intensive Care so I completely understood what the doctors and nurses, and specialist were saying to me.  I took them seriously and did everything I could but I just knew in my heart that everything would be fine.  I realize now that God peace was holding me up through all this.  I still had stress, fear, disappointment (when I was sent home without her) but my eyes were on her and the life I wanted for her and God’s peace was with me.

We have to get out of this mindset that to be followers of Christ, to be believers, to be people of faith means that we will have a worry free, stress free, complication free day, week, month, year, decade…  What it means is that we end up inviting stress, complications and difficulties as we stand firm in our faith facing the cultural tide of selfish, prideful immorality.  What it means is even though we will continue to be misunderstood, challenged and maybe even despised, Christ will stand with us often carrying us through the ordeal. 

So, the next time you pray for peace or offer the peace of Christ remember that what you are hoping for is not that the difficulty will be eliminated from your life but that you or those you pray for are bathed in the love of God as the situation is dealt wit  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Reflections on Mother’s Day

Happy Belated Mothers Day!  Personally I am not sure I appreciate these “Hallmark” holidays.  Yes, I realize that the company Hallmark did not start this holiday.  In fact, did you know that a woman by the name of Julia Ward Howe, the author of the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”, in an effort to offer and seek comfort of those women who had lost loved-one’s in the civil war,  gathered mothers together to celebrate a day of peace and to pray to end he suffering brought about by the Civil Way.  This first “Mother’s Day” in 1872 was later fined tuned by a Philadelphia schoolteacher, Anna Jarvis, who in 1907 asked her church to come together to pray for all mothers in honor of her late mother who was buried on the second weekend in May.  It was on May 9th, 1914 that President Woodrow Wilson made it an official national holiday to be celebrated annually.  Yes, I know my history.  But I call it a “Hallmark” holiday because it has gone from a day of prayer, hope and honor to a day of outrageous expectations and copious disappointments.

When I was married, because we had little money, Mother’s Day was a day that my then husband planned, which meant I still cooked, took care of our small daughter but did this at some park where he got to go and wander in the woods.  Later I made it about he and his brother honoring their mother cuz at least this way we would all go out to dinner.  (FYI–Father’s day was usually a camping trip where we took an entire weekend to spend wandering in the woods.)  Truly, I am not complaining.  It was what it was.  Yes, like millions of women who wanted breakfast in bed, their childrenshowing them withacts of love and devotion, husbands pampering them with all sorts of little luxuries as shown in the Hallmark and FTD commercials; I was disappointed.  But not this year.

This year, as I have for many past years, I spent my weekend working.  I teach and facilitate a seminar for engaged couples seeking marriage in the Catholic Church all day Saturday and then I work with one of two different parish groups I oversee in selling flowers (hanging baskets, small pots of flowers) to raise money for our programming.  ConvenientMother’s day gifts to buy as they walk out of Mass.  My daughter I sent off to be with her Dad and her Babcia (grandmother) because I would be busy all day and I spent my weekend “smoozing” with the parishioners as they came and went.

At one point I got into a long conversation with one of the other helpers.  As Mass is going on our busy slows to nothing but someone must keep an eye on the product.  So, we sit and chat.  Deborah and I starting talking about this “holiday” and our children and we both agree — we have great kids.  Yes, it is nice to be honored by them and a day where they have to express their love and appreciation.  But, rather than a day we would have every day to be proud of the men and women they are becoming.  We talked about how difficult it can be to get them through those “difficult stages” but the way they best honor us is not by spending one day courting our attention but by everyday living with honor, compassion, wisdom and faith.  Yes, they will (and have) tumbled and fell but they didn’t remain down but got themselves back up.  I am thrilled and humbled that at almost 18 years old my daughter still likes to “hang out” with me and enjoys making me laugh.  I love to watch her lead groups and interact with  her friends with such stregnth and compassion.  And nothing gives me more joy then sitting with her or seeing her in Church every weekend.  These are the moments I treasure.

ith all that said I also wish to offer my prayers and support to all those mothers who didn’t have their children with them on Mother’s day because of all the senseless reasons that bring about war, illness, hostility, anger…  I pray in thanksgiving to all those single women who may not have had children biologically but loved the young lives that came into theirs as teachers, nurses, aunts, social workers…  And I am humbled and pray for all the men who for whatever reason became the mom for their children or other others.  We are created in God’s image and likeness which means that we have the capacity for great love and compassion.  That is what I celebrate on Mother’s Day. 

I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

A Mother’s Prayer

I need your help today.
I want to care
for those you’ve sent into my life,
to help them develop the special gifts
you’ve given them.

But I also want to free them
to follow their own paths
and to bring their loving wisdom
to the world.

Help me
to embrace them without clutching,
to support them without suffocating,
to correct them without crushing.

And help me
to live joyfully and playfully, myself,
so they can see your life in me
and find their way to you.
Amen.

Getting Ready

Like the rest of the world, I have a morning routine.   My mornings have been much more productive in the past then they are right now (in the gym by 5am, home at 6:00, shower, pray & breakfast and posting by 8am, 8:30 Mass…), but then today I am still coping with life.  Right now if I can drag myself out of bed by 7:30, shower, dress and breakfast by 8am then I am doing good.  But it bothers me… each night as I get ready for bed I think, “Tomorrow!  Tomorrow I will get back to my old habits.”  And each morning I reset my alarm because I just can’t.  And then I kick myself all day as I struggle to find the place for all the stuff I would have gotten done before am.  Many things have gone by the wayside. 

This morning as I ate my breakfast I was watching a conversation between Robbin Roberts and motivational speaker Tony Robbins on ABC’s Good Morning America.   Each morning they have tried to find ways to support their morning audience realizing that many who are watching are struggling with the economic downturn.  Today it was about emotionally and mentally coping with life.  He said something that I hope will make me stop beating myself up over gained weight and less morning discipline.  He said that if one of two things were to happen to us:  Win the lottery or be paralyzed from the neck down who would have the better life after three years?  Of course most would say the lottery winner but Tony pointed out that most lottery winners are miserable.  It is the paralyzed person who, if they accept the challenge, learns to live in a new and better way.  He said that if we face our struggles; feed our mind with positive ideas, images, feedback and take care of our bodies we will find new ways to cope, new ways to win, new ways to focus our lives.  Life struggles can be the best fodder to channel personal growth and achievement.

His comments made me stop beating myself up because it made me think back over the past few years.  I focused specially on last year as I dealt with betrayal and hardships at work and in my ministry and more importantly worked through what was needed to divorce my husband.  That process changed me and I know it was for the better.  It was the hardest year I have ever lived because choices I had to make went against my very nature; attitudes I needed to adopt were difficult; and I had to admit the end to some dreams.  If I was given the choice to live through last year again or chew glass I would pick the glass.  But Tony Robbins is right.  I am a better person because of it.  Stronger, more focused, happier then I have ever been.  Just tired… really, really tired.

As children we are often given the message that belief in Jesus, faith in God, depending on a higher power brings with it peace and happiness.  No one, at least in my life, told me that you can have these things but only if you do the hard work.  Or maybe they said them but like our culture today, I simply fast-forward to the good part.  I once had a protestant friend of mine who, as I gave a tour of our Catholic Church, ask me why we leave Jesus on the cross.  (Most Catholic Churches have a crucifix very prominent in their sanctuary) He is resurrected, she said.  True, I responded.  But I need to be reminded that he suffered and died to get there.  They are two sides to one coin, one experience. 

So, I am going to lighten up on myself, for a while.  It took me over five years of serious depression, counseling, prayer, retreats, all sorts of books nd tapes and the support of great friends to get me to a point where I could face and embrace my own personal cross.  I just now am realizing that most of this year has been about being numb, like waking up from a bad dream — it has taken me a while to get my barrings.  But this past spring has been such a resurrection experience for me as I wake up to the dawn of a new day.  So what if I haven’t gotten back into old routines.  Old routines got me into the trouble I lived.  New routines will come and they will be better and healthier.  I just need to give myself time and begin to take some important steps toward personal health.   I now know that death did not conquer me.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

A Personal Look at the Susan Boyle Experience

By now everyone has heard of the name, Susan Boyle.  In case you haven’t she is the new darling of news sensation.  Check out her website:  www.susan-boyle.com.  In goggling her 133,000,000 hits came up.  Want to know more?  This is taken from Wikipedia:

Susan Boyle (born 1 April 1961) is a Scottish singer who came to public attention when she appeared as a contestant on the third series of Britian God Talent.  Boyle became known when she sang “I Dreamed a Dream”  from Les Miserables in the competition’s first round,  first broadcast in the United Kingdom on 11 April 2009.  Boyle left school with few qualifications;  she was employed for the only time in her life as a trainee cook for six months.  She has always enjoyed singing; she attended Edinburgh Acting School, and took part in the Edinburgh Fringe. Prior to her appearance on Britain’s Got Talent, her main experience had come from singing in church and karaoke in the local pubs in her village.

Personally, I am amazed by all this.  Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier for Susan Boyle.  She is getting more then her 10 minutes of fame that supposedly we all get at some time.  What frustrates me and discusses me is why she is getting that fame.  Yes, it is about her incredible singing voice.  But it is wrapped in a very distasteful package.  As I look at this fascination with her I see two things that condemns American society. 

First and foremost is that everyone admits they are fascinated with her because she “doesn’t come packaged as someone who could have a voice like that.”  This was said by a colleague of mine.  I am sitting here at my omputer just shaking my head.  What?  Only people who are physically beautiful can have talent?  When I saw the original clip on Good Morning America I was discussed by the arrogance of not only the three judges but of some of the audience as well.  Susan walks out and everyone smirks, like she is a circus clown.  You can just read it on their faces:  “Oh god!  Now what?!?”  One of the judges asks who is her role model and Susan identifies a very talented lady of the British musical theater.  His response was to cough and roll his eyes, like the comparison was impossible.  And then Susan opened her mouth.  The song she chose was perfect.  Its theme?  About a girl who wanted something but because of birth and society she could never have.  Who are we to judge people so shallowly? 

I am also somewhat ticked off because there seems to be this great surprise that any talent could come from any place but the USA.  Oh, yes in the past great Opera tenors came from Italy and athletes from the Ukraine, but really everything else comes from the good ole US of A.  (she says sarcastically)  Yes, our country is great and has had it share of greatness but we are all descendants (unless you are Native American Indian) from someplace else.  Greatness comes not from a physical location but from God.  And God knows no boundaries or borders.

Anyone who knows me would agree I am no great beauty.  I have always been describe as having great “inner” beauty — to me that is code for “wall flower”.  But there have been times when I have made some transition on my physical appearance (such as getting contacts or loosing weight) and have had an overwhelming response.  Yet I have accomplished some pretty incredable things in my life to a resounding silence.  Just recently I sang the xultet at our Easter Vigil.  The Exultet is a chant prayer that is sung at the very beginning of that Mass to proclaim the greatness of God and the wonder and awe of that night.  I have had my own “Susan Boyle” experience as people continue to come up to me and praise my voice.  They didn’t know I “could sing like that”.  Why would they?  If anyone got to know me well enough they would know that I love music, singing, musical theater and performance and have sung in choirs and groups most of my life.  Yet, no one responded to the moment — after many years of struggling to reclaim myself, work through rejection of a lost marriage, file for divorce and start my life anew — that song was my proclamation of God’s greatness in bringing an Easter into my heart and life.  And between you and me, I am somewhat sorry that I sung the Exultet.  My fear is now that the congregation didn’t hear my song of praise, the church’s song of praise, their song of praise because they were so taken by MY “performance.”

God is good.  No, God is great!  It matters not the outer appearance of any ndividual but on the inner qualities and character that they work on developing.  I am thrilled for Susan Boyle.  I hope this whole experience leads her to whatever God has planned for her.  But I remain comforted that the American audience will not be my judge in the final moments of my life.  I dream a dream too, and it is to make God proud of me.  That when I cross from this world into the next the words I will hear are:  “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”  And my reward?  To bask in the warm embrace of God… forever.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

PS.  I love the final picture but I do not know who the artist is.  If anyone knows please pass on the information

Reflections on Parenting a Teen

Being an adult is a lot of work.  My daughter is starting to learn that.  Within a few short days she will be graduating from high school.  A month later she will be turning 18.  She has plans for college and has worked hard all her academic life and has been rewarded for that with some nice financial backing.  She is looking forward to the freedoms she will be able to embrace when she welcomesthe life of higher academia.  Yet, she is not ready to let go of those apron strings just yet.  In other words, like most of us, she wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Being an adult is a lot of work and responsibility.  There is rent, medical, groceries, car, insurance, housekeeping, bills to pay… and the list goes on and on.  Each day we wake up to a long “laundry list” of things that must get done if we are going to remain health, fiscally responsible and provide a home.  Ah, for the day we could turn to our parents and say, “Whats for dinner?” knowing that someone else has taken the responsibility to plan, shop and cook.  Our only contribution to the meal is to sit down and eat.  Ah, for the day we find ourselves in some medical crisis and are whisked off to the doctors, or emergency room without a care for who is going to pay for it.  Our only concern was for the color of the cast and how many days we were going to be out of school.  Ah, for the day when money meant freedom and a new something not, “Oh good, now I can pay that bill.”

Being an adult is a lot of work, responsibility and self-sacrifice, especially if you have a family.  Vacations are rarely about what would please you and everything about keeping the “troops” happy.  Free time means the opportunity to catch up, not on your reading or hangin out with friends, but on housework, bills, laundry and other such family matters.  Lack of sleep comes not from late nights watching a movie but from sick kids, baby needs, and worry… lots and lots of worries.

What has set me on this tirade?  Because my daughter and I are in the midst of a battle of wills.  She wants all the freedoms of adulthood (like everyone) yet isn’t stepping up to the plate to accept the work, responsibility and self-sacrifice.  And I am having a hard time stepping out of the role of being her mother who so willing accepts all the responsibility and self-sacrifice.  Frankly,  I am worried.  I wanted very much for her to “go away” for college.  Getting out of the home and onto a college campus provides a relatively safe place to practice and adopt some of those adult qualities of work, responsibility and self-sacrifice.  But fortunately for our pocket-books, she will be staying home and going to a local university because of the financial assistance that was given her.  So, I who love being her “mom” must challenge us both to move less and less from mother-daughter relationship to roommates, sort-of.  Example:  This morning she “reminded me” to make an eye exam appointment for her.  This may seem trivial but it is a small example of where we tussle.  I immediately say yes, because it is my habit.  Only later do I kick myself — she is perfectly capable of making that appointment and should.  I don’t really have the time in my busy day and she… well, you know whatever time I make it for it will be wrong because of impromptu plans of hers.  When I do remember to take a stand she whines that she doesn’t have time or won’t know what to say.

We are challenged to parent all the time.  Not just our children but if you think about it we can be in situations that we need to parent our spouse, adult family members, friends, co-workers and even our own parents.  We even need to parent ourselves.  Yes, parenting is the process of selflessly doing for others but more importantly parenting is challenging those you love, (including yourself) to do for themselves what they are perfectly capable and should do for themselves.  To enable them to become independent adults.  Yes it is hard work but it is worth it.  Yes there is a lot of responsibility that goes with it but with responsibility also comes freedoms.  And yes, self-sacrifice is key, thinking and doing what the other needs not what you want, but this is the corner stone of love. 

So, back into the tirade I go.  Wish me luck and keep me and my daughter in your prayers…  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Figuring Things Out

My apologies for the days of silence.  I have let fall by the wayside of a busy  schedule my commitment to blog most days of the week.  I could use the fact that I had to prepare for and facilitate the reception of three major sacramental experiences — Easter Vigil, First Communion last weekend and Confirmation this past weekend — but I won’t.  I could use the fact that as we draw this academic year to a close there are year end reviews and budgets to prepare; planning for next year and such which consumes much of my time — but I won’t.  I could use the excuse that my daughter has had her recital for dance one weekend and prom this last weekend which causes much confusion in my life getting her ready — but I won’t.  I could use the fact that I have been house hunting.  No I am not buying a house but a very dear friend is and I am doing the leg work, which as you know can be quite exhausting — but I won’t.  Yes, my life has been busy but I haven’t written mostly because I really haven’t been inspired to do so.  Each day I sit in front of this screen and dabble, but nothing. 

The closest I have come is wanting to say something about all the attention Susan Boyle has been getting.  You know the lady.  She was on Britain’s Got Talent.  She came out onto stage and you could see by the look of the panel they had all decided she was a nut job who just thought she could sing.  Frumpy dress.  Major eyebrow issues.  And then she opened her mouth and out came the voice of an angel.  For days I have thought to write about how so often we look at the wrapper or the outside and pre-judge something as valuable.  If Susan Boyle was 28, a size 6 with long shining hair and the face of an angel, she wouldn’t have gotten the response that she has.  Part of what amazes people is that she looks like she does but sounds amazing.  But then this is nothing new.  We have prejudged people from the beginning of time.

Yes, my life has been busy.  Yes, I even have had more then a few things to say, but I haven’t gotten to this blog.  In a perfect world I would have all the time and energy I need; all the creativity I desired.  But, this isn’t a perfect world, is it?  It is a fallen world in which we must make trade offs.  This is something I have been learning as I look for the house.  The challenge is to know what you can live without and that which must be present in our lives.

My last statement may seem strange to some of you.  There are those who are saying to themselves:  “Well, of course must not compromise!  How ridiculous to even suggest the idea!”  Problem is many of us live our lives placing other’s wants ahead of our own needs.  My spouse wants us to do yard work, but I truly NEED a day of rest.  My children want to go to Disneyland on vacation but I truly NEED a peaceful, relaxing vacation not one that is go…go…go.  My boss wants me to work tonight but I truly NEED a night off to be with my family.  Get the picture.  We compromise our lives away.  We put ourselves as second, third…last as we evaluate the activities of the day, week, month.  And that cannot continue if we expect to maintain our sanity and our health. 

Think about it.  Could you live in a house that is determined by everyone else’s wants but has nothing of what you need, or want or even like?  And don’t fool yourself by saying; “Their happiness is all that matters.”  Been there don’t that and I know for a fact, that sounds good but will seal your death.  Yes, I meant to say death.   Look at the phrases — Your NEED verse their wants.  If it truly is a need for rest, peace, family, prayer, purpose… then to deny it is to deny life.  And if you deny life you encourage and bring about death.  And not just any body’s but your own.  The trick is figuring out what you need.  And then sticking to your guns and not allowing anyone, even your own children, quilting or talking you out of it.

God created us in God’s image and likeness.  Think of the creation stories.  The love shared by the Trinity — Father, Son and Spirit — generates life.  Our purpose is to generate life as well.  And not just for others but for ourselves.  We need to find ourselves a place of love.  Did you hear me?  We NEED to find ourselves in a place of love.  Not just giving it but receiving it as well.  Where we are appreciated, respected and celebrated for who we are and the talents we have; and that we can freely love in return.  This we NEED.  We need to have things like food, shelter, water, clothing…  We NEED to have a purpose that defines and drives our life…  We NEED to find regular moments of rest — daily, weekly and annually.  

And finally, we NEED to be connected with God.  Yes,  that is a need.  We come from God.  At the end of life we will go back to God.  Who better to help us know ourselves, discern our purpose, challenge us to healthy growth, learn love and life… then the one who created it all.  Most spiritual hunger, many emotional depressions can be healed but simply dropping to our knees and turning our hearts and eyes toward God.  I guess I had something to say after all.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa

Courageous Heart

Ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  I am so often amazed at what the people will do faced with exceptional choices.  It is so easy for me to pontificate about what “people of faith could and should do.”  The hardship and difficult circumstances that surround me are minimal if at all.  I am a woman living in the 21st century which provides me, because of the work of so many before me, endless opportunities.  Even though I may annoy and anger them, I am surrounded by the love and support of family and friends.  My daughter, while a typical teenager in mood and whims, is a good child; a great child who I am very proud of in so many ways.  My job which can leave me in search of sanity and patience has been a blessing in my life allowing me to grow each day in my ministry.  I live in a country while frustrating because of party politics and the present economy I am so very proud of and wake up each morning thankful that my ancestors immigrated here so I can live in this countries freedoms.  And my faith as a Catholic Christian, while not as popular as it once was and at times brings me to tears because of the human choices made, also brings me to tears because of the beauty and depth of faith and understanding of God.  With all this said, I repeat, it is very easy for me to say what I say and do what I do.  I think that is why people like Irena Sendler capture by imagination and admiration.

If you did not take advantage of the Hallmark Hall of Fame production of The Courageous Heart of Irena Sendleryou missed a wonderful opportunity to be inspired.  Irena Sendler was a Social Worker in Poland when the Nazi’s occupied the country.  She is credited with helping save 2,500 Jewish children by smuggling them out of the Warsaw Ghetto and placing them with Christian families took them in as their own.  I recognize that while her work to save these lives was undeniably courageous it can be controversial in that to save their lives the children had to pretend to be Catholic/Christian incorporating themselves fully into the life of the Church while (for the time) not only forgetting but denying their Jewish identity.  Some, even expressing this in the movie, would say she asked too much.  But to paraphrase a statement made by the character of Miss Sendler — “But the children would be alive.”   Controversial or not the courage it took to act in such a Godly was was inspiring.

Many will look at that movie or even read this blog, and with confidence and self assurance will say:  “Of course I would do something like that!”  Would you?  Would I?  To me it is not so black and white.  I hope and pray that I would act courageously but then I know all the times I failed to do so in my past.  To me it’s not one brave moment of action.  What I believe is that it is a life time of small brave moments that lead up to one inevitable act.  Its like carving a path out in the woods or setting direction and staying on course.  With each step or each nautical foot things happen and we must make decisions how to correct our heading so we stay on course.  The winds change, there is a huge stone or crevice we must go around, each one of these inevitable “happenings” create challenges and establish patterns in our lives so when that huge moment or storm occurs we are already set in our ways. 

I think about Irena’s life and how she must have been raised; what teacher’s challenged her to; friends, neighbors…  Or those families who took these children in at the risk of their own lives… Or the parents and grandparents who struggled in their hearts to know what was the best plan of action…  These are the people who inspire me — ordinary people doing extraordinary things.  But in truth I bet not one of them would say what they did was anything extraordinary.  They did that day what they did every day and what they will continue to do throughout their lives. 

If there is one lesson I would hope to teach or challenge my daughter to it is the idea that God see everyone’s life as extraordinary, if it is lived it the service of others needs as our primary purpose.  Regardless of our vocation — Accountant, Mechanic, Doctor, Teacher, Engineer, Parent… if we see that our pleasures and wants are minor issues in comparison to the needs of those who come into our care — then I believe we have lived a life with a courageous heart and we please God.  Not all of us are asked to do what Irena Sendler did but we are all asked to live courageously in the present moment and every moment to come after.  Stories such as the one presently by Hallmark remind me to do so.  I remain, your servant in Christ,

Theresa